A truly Remarkable Man!
On September 14th, the family and friends of Mikey Fleming gathered to share memories and bring comfort to each other as we try to sort out this tragic, unspeakable loss we all feel. How better to fill that void than with the company of people who knew him best and loved him most? As I looked around the room that day, and saw so many old friends, new friends, and complete strangers all come together to celebrate the life of one man, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy in knowing that each one in some way had been touched by Mikey, enough to brave the ugly weather and come share in the healing process.
The stories I heard were funny, touching, loving and kind. They reflected a man of great humor, both at himself and at life in general, a man with a huge heart, ready to reach out and help others in need and a gentle soul who loved children and animals. He was also a family man, who despite the loss of his immediate family, reached out to extended family members to keep the connection close and know the love only another family member can offer. A man who reached out to his extended network of friends to help fill the days with good times and happy memories, a man who comforted neighbors by his very presence in the home next door. The kind of man who appreciated a warm welcome or a hug from anyone willing to offer one up with open arms. A TRULY REMARKABLE MAN!
Not to say that our friend Mikey was perfect….. His human imperfections were a part of the joy in knowing him. He was a candid talker, who would let you have it straight up, good or bad. You never had to wonder where Mikey might stand on something, because it was usually made apparent with a certain type of sarcastic bluntness and honesty that only Mikey could carry off. He was a man that enjoyed the good natured bantering that goes with an argument and would sometimes take an opposite point of view, just to enjoy the dialog that went with it. That bantering I think, other than the boyish grin, is what I will miss the most.
Sometimes this process of reflection gathers steam and continues on and you start to look around and take stock, count your blessings and give thanks for all that you have. Yesterday, before attending the gathering for Mikey, I had read a comment on this blog created for Mikey, to follow the court case, and create awareness of the need for harsher drunk driving laws in the State of Wisconsin and elsewhere. The comment was obviously from an acquaintance of the woman charged in causing Mikey’s death. It stated that she was “Altogether an unremarkable woman, up to that fateful Friday”. And I just can’t help but think what a pitiful statement that is of a person’s life. To be unremarkable to your friends and family until something so unspeakable happens that it becomes your defining moment. And what a stark contrast to what I saw and heard about our friend Mikey, a few hours later.
So what makes a person remarkable and how is it measured? Is it the fortunes you make, or the discovery of something great? Is it how well known you are or how many good or foul deeds you’ve done? And how sad it would be for anyone one to come to a point in life or in death, where you are described as altogether an unremarkable person. I came away on that day, thinking, that, what truly makes a person remarkable is the impact you have on the lives of others, and how they reflect upon you as a friend, family member, neighbor and human being.
That impact doesn’t need to be large scale or life changing. It can be a small wave from the driveway, a weekly phone call, a shared meal, spending the day at the local Harley dealer shooting the breeze with friends, or forwarding funny emails to your buddies online. It’s about the respect to you give to yourself and others and the genuine happiness you feel at seeing someone whether is been two years, two months, two weeks or two hours. It’s about reaching out and being the best person you know how to be. It’s everything about the man that Mikey Fleming was and will always be in our hearts. A TRULY REMARKABLE MAN!
Now my upbringing and life lessons have always taught me to try and be kinder than necessary because everyone seems to have a personal battle they fight. And I really find it a struggle in this situation, because, if not for the thoughtless, careless actions of one person, our friend Mikey would still be with us today. It’s been said that this incident was the first offense for the driver charged in his death, yet we hear from a perfect stranger that it would be a surprise if she’d ever been sober during the last 20 years. Not that surprising, as I am sure that we all know one or more people with a drinking problem, who have not been caught or killed anyone while driving intoxicated. But why would this being a first offense make any difference in how this crime is judged? Is causing a death any more serious the second or third or fourth time? Why would we even want to allow someone a second chance to kill? If this person had stood on that street corner, intoxicated, with a loaded gun and fired randomly into the street – would this be handled any differently? If this person had been driving under the influence of an illegal substance – would the outcome be any different? What if they had been standing on an overpass and dropped a brick into the traffic below? Would it have been worse if she had also taken out a family with young children on the sidewalk that she drove over before running Mikey down in the street? These are all thoughtless, heinous acts! So why would knowingly drinking yourself into oblivion and then getting behind the wheel of the 4000+ lb WEAPON and causing some ones death be any less heinous?
We’ve also heard that the driver charged, is the type of person that this incident would “weigh on her mind” everyday (and rightly so), but what would that result in? How likely would she be to drink more to alleviate the pain, in a never ending, vicious cycle? And if not incarcerated and provided the opportunity to become clean and sober, how long would it be before she randomly selects her next victim? And then we would all be shaking our heads and lamenting, “What was she doing out of prison, my God, she’s done this before!” This is a common story played out all over the United States far too often. The buck needs to stop here, in Wisconsin, and all over the United States.
So here is my kindest wish for the driver, when convicted of Mikey’s death: A mandatory prison sentence for the maximum number of years allowable by law that also includes an intensive alcohol treatment program. If by chance, she is paroled before she dies, than that release should include a lifetime probation, that includes absolute sobriety (or she returns to prison), weekly testing for alcohol or other drug use for the first 3 years of probation at her expense and monthly testing after that for life. She should never be permitted to obtain a drivers license or operate a motor vehicle again. She should also be required to attend weekly AA meetings as long as she is physically able. And before all else, she should be required to issue an apology to the living victims of her actions. To the friends that traveled with Mikey that day, and were witness to his death, as they will never be able to erase that horrific scene from memory. The innocent bystanders who also witnessed the carnage and were so moved that they now feel compelled to attend every court hearing on Mikey’s behalf and lead the fight to change drunk driving laws in the State of Wisconsin and elsewhere. To the family members and friends who will never have the opportunity to grow old with Mikey, and make more fond memories. And finally to Mikey’s family who have now suffered not one, but the loss of two family members at the hands of a drunken driver.
Drunk driving is a hideous crime because there is no way to protect ourselves against it. It’s time to stop the insanity. It’s time to make people own up to the responsibility and feel the pain of their actions. It’s time to honor and value the lives of all victims of intoxicated drivers. It’s time to honor and value the life of my good friend, Mikey Fleming - A TRULY REMARKABLE MAN!
Respectfully yours,
Kathleen McCollum
Posts
